Outline my eyes with the makeup that makes teenagers stay in their heads
"Your mind is another country" - boyfriend, at the time, said the scariest thing about intimacy:
that it was the potential for future pain
because of missed understanding.
The Torment of Not Knowing; edited by, so never knowing,
Fox. Die quickly like a flower cut and put in water.
Suck - Split - Self hate -
I roll my eyes in this hall of mirrors.
You sent me a screenshot, of your pain. But I couldn't see it, and you couldn't see mine,
even though we were both looking deeply into our phones.
The woman character was on the banks of pleasure, docked and watching the man’s pleasure.
That passage I interpreted it as a slight on my inability to come with you, even though I was so so in love. Still so so in love.
Sparknotes says it is the performative nature of attraction that causes the protagonist's anxiety.
The crippling anger manifesting as a block, acting against their desire to pleasure.
But why does it always have to be about them?/ Why does it always have to be about you?
I am a universe and network of envelopes inside of envelopes
reaching internally towards my own infinity.
Fall in love with the stranger outside,
draw your own chalk outline.
(That is the trick).