040: Gemini dozen.

photo by Melissa Di Pasquale

 Happy Gemini Full Moon.  
I posted to my IG story and Twitter feed, 1 photo/poem a day for 12 days counting down to this full moon. See all 12 photos in the slideshow below.

---

These are photos I would have sent a lover this year. (Without the poetry, because I'm not that intense... I send poetry separately in emails!) I often judge selfies as a weakness and a cry for attention. But you know what? I haven't been kissed in 3 months. I haven't been truly supported in a stable loving relationship maybe ever. And these are things I'm ashamed of, and trying to decode, and trying not to blame myself or others for. I'm letting go of how I think my life should appear at my age (34). This goes hand in hand with creative work.
I've never felt uglier, more rejected or unwanted in my life than I have this year. And as these lessons go, I found people that were mirrors; a problem because this self hate and insecurity lived in me first, and I managed to find or cling to others that best helped me out to these shadowy, despised places in the seas of myself. I recognized that this was not OK. My foundations were too easily broken. I was so good at pretending that I was OK, until I was not. And I had to be better.
Some people thought I had "gone off the rails" with these intimate and personal IG stories. And that was funny to me. Because it's always been me. It takes more energy to pretend I can't yell and scream and share my feelings. The difference is, I'm learning to control and even leverage this wilderness. The wisdom to know when to let go when it really comes, or when to fight. When I'm lying to myself. 
This is the first time in a while I've been at peace with, and even excited about, being alone and moving towards a future I can't picture. Patience is the test of my life; emotional regulation was the challenge of my year. I lost many things because I was reckless, and I would change so many things... but here we are. And I'm learning how to be. ​Peace, love, joy, release. xoxo. - GRASSI

---

---

 
​Read more about the astrology of the Gemini Full Moon here.